Can't Be Said Much Better Than This...

Feelin Good by Nina Simone
envoyé par Steelydan

...and a special thanks to Jordan for 'saying this' to me.

२ येअर्स एंड कोउन्तिंग...OK

ओके,
नो माय ब्लॉग इस औतोमातिकाल्ली ट्रांस्लातिंग इत्सेल्फ़ इन्तो हिन्दी। इन्तेरेस्तिंग। व्हेन इ क्रेअतेद माय याहू अकाउंट इ वास गिवें अन ऐ-मेल एड्रेस इन इंडिया। इ क्रेअतेद थिस अकाउंट इन फ्रांस। इ ऍम अमेरिकन एंड, ठेरेफोरे, राइट माय ब्लोग्स इन इंग्लिश। वहत इस हप्पेनिंग?

इ वास गोइंग तो राइट इन माय ब्लॉग टुडे अबाउट हाउ आईटी हस ताकें में तवो येअर्स तो बिल्ड माय फाउंडेशन फॉर माय ऑनलाइन नेटवर्क। तवो येअर्स, फौर न्यू सोशल नेट्वर्किंग साइट्स एंड, नो...वेल, इ गेस माय फंस इन इंडिया विल हवे एवें मोरे एक्सेस तो माय ओब्सेर्वशन्स एंड थौघ्ट्स। फॉर माय नॉन-हिन्दी रेअदेरस, प्लेस ट्रांसलेट थिस पोस्ट। इ दो नोट क्नोव वहत तो दो तो चंगे थे सेटिंग बेक तो इंग्लिश, म्य्सेल्फ़।

तेरे इस अल्वाय्स तलक ऑफ़ थे पॉवर ऑफ़ थे इन्टरनेट। बुत फॉर सोमोने तो चंगे यौर प्रेफेरेंसस विथौत कांसुल्टिंग यू? इ थिंक ठाट इस अबुसे (सॉरी हिन्दी रेअदेरस, इ ऍम नोट त्र्यिंग तो शूट यू आउट बुत यू कैन इमागिने माय सुरपरिसे!!!)

ओह वेल...

That is what my post editor was doing earlier: auto-translation in Hindi. I am not offended by the language choice, in fact, I find Hinduism fascinating. I did have a bit of a shock, though, that someone saw to it to change my preferences by apparently hacking into my account. Oh well, I can calm myself, now that I seem to have repaired this. Yes it would have been fun, for a minute, to let everyone think that I could write in Hindi...could my Hindi readers comment back to me and let me know how I did? Maybe I was just a bit concerned that the US State Department might get involved...

Well, that was exciting enough to leave this post as is.

Hmmm...

Hmmm...

I love the feel of that.  Hmmm...what should I write about today?  Green Card marriage fraud? BTDT.  Here is a link to someone else who has shared this experience: http://www.divinecaroline.com/article/22070/29070-green-card-fraud-marriage-nightmare/3

I don't know why that popped into my head but there you have it.  Nor am I going to share the personal details of my story with The-World-At-Large, but I do sympathize with the story of my fellow blogger.

Hmmm...moving on to other topics, question, bloggers: Is France the only country in the world that imposes an audiovisual tax on residents who own televisions?  In silent protest, I choose not to own a television, myself, while living in France.  Something just does not sit right for me about this tax.  And from my experience, when I occupied residences that already had a television,  this tax always seemed like a 'punishment' and insult added to the injury of being subjected to already dubious television programming.  Or perhaps this tax is a punishment for choosing a plasma accessory to finish off the design of a room.

Hmmm...I do have something NEW to share from my musical archives.  You can view it tax-free. It is a promo video of my latest project.  The song which features Nicole Graham, myself, as vocalist and co-writer with Stéphane Pompougnac and two other collaborators will be featured in the upcoming Hotel Costes mix compilation, vol. 11 in the series.  In fashion and music circles, Hotel Costes is synonymous with glamour, quality and luxury.  The current CD compilation will be released worldwide on September 15th, 2008 and it offers an eclectic, modern to retro to modern selection of exclusive songs to hmmm...along with and to dance to,  chosen by Stéphane Pompougnac himself:

 

SO, AS I WAS SAYING ON FACEBOOK ;-)

I had to edit this blog because I realized that many people would just take it as only 'My Random Thoughts' and not realize that I was blogging to get a point across to THEM.  There, I said it.  Now, if anyone is offended, STOP READING HERE.  OK, I warned you.  For those brave of heart, here goes.  

There has been a trend, now, on my Facebook profile of people asking me about my life.   Funny, this is a question that I would not word in quite this way.  Also, it is a question that few people asked me when I first added their profiles to mine.  Most of the time, I do not ask the same questions about my own life but I guess I am often in the moment of doing what needs to be done, not observing from an outside point of view what I am doing.  At best, I will write, "How are you?", without actually expecting the person to go into detail about how they really are.  Yet, how the person responds or does not respond tells me quite a bit about the person, and my actual relationship with them.

Now, I know, I created my Facebook profiles and my MySpace profiles.   A total of over 2,500 people! "Wow!  I'm rich!" :-)) That was said very tongue in cheek.  And some people even have thousands of people on their profiles.  I wonder if they get asked personal questions about their lives?  Slowly, I see myself becoming ever more selective with my contacts.   Some people have even reacted to this.  Some take the Top Friend thing QUITE seriously, I see.  Who knows, maybe I should consider their point of view and adapt to it?   I believe that few of my Top Friends have considered mine: sometimes certain people mean something specific to me within a certain time frame and I celebrate this in the 'famous' Top Friends, but this does not necessarily mean that all of these people are and will always be the definitive 'TOP 8, 20, 35..."  for me always.  Sorry to burst a bubble.  What if another person comes along and tops one of my Tops?  What if some of those people do not have the Top Friends app or choose not to put me in their Tops?  Does that make me any less Top to me?  Well, I think you night see where I am going with this.  

Maybe I should ease their contention by telling each person WHY I chose them as a Top Friend but, in fact, this issue does not arise on all of my profiles and I do not feel the need to explain myself at all times. Experience has taught me. Sometimes I just end up explaining myself into an even bigger hole. 

My main Facebook profile, for example, is for networking, primarily with my music and entertainment biz contacts.  In theory.  In practice, most of the contacts and leads I get happen in real life, offline--I am one of those people who views what happens online as my virtual world and although I am no less real in this virtual world, I am fully aware that time and distance separate me from the majority of my online contacts.  In many cases I only have a very superficial relationship with the majority of my online contacts, and even quite a few of my offline contacts, a by-product of the time I invest in my work.   This is not what I prefer in my relationships, mind you.  However, realistically, unless I get clear and consistent contact from someone both online and, at least, by telephone, I just cannot consider the person to be a close, personal friend or a contact that I am particularly (intimately or otherwise) involved with. That's just me.

In addition, I have also had marriage proposals, online and by telephone, er 'interesting' messages and photos sent to me that, logically, would border on TMI...well, even cross that boundary.  Friends asking me about other online contacts instead of contacting these people themselves.  Urgent money requests, prefaced by the comment that all of their other friends said no (first clue, maybe?).  Certainly it should have been a clue to him.  This was coming from a guy who had offered me a plane ticket to upstate NY the previous week, which I declined with a polite, "Maybe we should have a few more chats, first.", then he was in London the following week asking me for money.  His listed occupation: Oil Consultant.  Listed Net Income: $250,000 USD. Apparently, his company could not get the required funds to him quickly enough. ;-),  The money requests, actually, were surprising considering the fact that on that specific profile, I had presented a very specific list, OK it was a paragraph, of what I did not want.  NO REQUESTS FOR MONEY was one of the top five 'do not ask me for's'. 

No, I am not going into too much detail, in an effort to protect the innocent, but maybe I SHOULD go into detail.  Not enough space here.  I think I would be wiser to consider some of the behavior that I find more salacious and dubious from the point of view of a pre-teen and also from the point of view of the parent of that pre-teen when they hear what their child has been exposed to.  Sadly, I think what I HAVE been exposed to online has made me even LESS social and LESS interested in people, not more.  But then a lot of this behavior from some of my contacts was already 'peeking through the cracks' in real life so maybe I should consider myself lucky that I only experience it, now, in a more 'controlled' environment...or maybe I should not have added these contacts in the first place. :(

Do I look the part?  Johnny Come Lately?  Is there a sign taped to my back that I do not know about:  HARASS AT WILL?  Sometimes it seems to me that I am attracting every 'worst' character trait in people that I have ever encountered in all of the people I have met.  Sadly I was, perhaps, näive enough to think I would not encounter these traits or people ever again...and 'en masse'. 

For the moment, it would seem that my waning interest is only met by increased interest by my counterparts, although the interest comes in mixed forms: either too INDIRECT for me to comprehend or far TOO direct for me to accept lightly.  Well, part of this is just what happens when people shift from neutral or idle to ACTIVE: WARNING, MAY CAUSE DAMAGE TO YOUR SANITY...and I usually give the fanfare and confetti a chance to settle before responding. But when is too much, TOO much?  Or MUCH too MUCH?  My friend Mich will like that phrase. Isn't all of this supposed to be fun?  Well, that is up to the people who are communicating, isn't it?  And did someone say, "Out of sync?"  What to do, what to do...who can say?  

When I am online and responding to people a lot of it is spontaneous; I would prefer not to let messages pile up in any inbox.  That is the practical side of me.  But I have also noticed that this immediate response technique, which I learned in my own culture, is not always respected in the way I am used to.  Some people become VERY demanding and expect this instant gratification to their enquiries ALL THE TIME.  Then the "meltdown, communication breakdown, grudge" ensues, sometimes even in combination.  ;-) Even if these people do not tell me, I sense it.  But how am I supposed to meets everyone's need to be gratified...and my own.  Well, it IS impossible, really, and realistically it should not be expected of anyone.  

Others ignore the response, altogether, and I sometimes take their demands for information as if I owed them information and they got what they were after and that was that.  Well, I am human, too.  I never saw 'accueil' written on my forehead nor did I knowingly 'offer' myself as someone who serves others.  But maybe what I do NOT know is I am the only person who DOES respond to these people consistently and, thus, they often turn to me because they know that I am reliable.  Of course, they do not consider offering me the same luxury.  Wouldn't it be marvelous if ALL of our needs, demands and requests were met by ONE reliable, go-to person.  think about it...

Overall, I find that all of this depersonalizes the experience of keeping in touch and many of these online 'relationships' only evolve to a certain point.

True communication is an art but for some people it is a commodity, "Let's see if I can get so-and-so to reply to this."  "Let's see what happens if I say this."  Manipulation?  From my point of view, yes.  Ask yourself, "If this person was face-to-face with me, would we be having an actual conversation in the same way we write online?" "Would our communication always be one-sided, impersonal, nosy, gossipy...mean?"  "Would I ask the same questions, or would I be too embarrassed?" "How would I really respond to what I just read if this person was standing in front of me?"   And, then, the mind does a strange thing, for some people.  It rationalizes.  Often mistakenly.  "It's no big deal." "Why am I analyzing this so much?"  "Why doesn't she/he just hit delete if there is a problem with our communication?"  "Why is this person not writing/responding to me anymore?"  

The list goes on and we all know what seems right and what does not seem right, for each of us but we do not necessarily know what seems right or not right to the other person nor can we always adapt to it.  For example, the endless stream I have gotten over the years of, "Sorry I have not written in a while..."  Well, I think that the person who is really sorry writes.  Point. They do not write their excuses for not writing...in my case, maybe I did not even notice it had been a while.  There are a lot of people I do not see frequently so writing alone, viewed by me, is a bonus!  Just write.  Give the person you are writing to a limited response timeframe and you will have an idea of  how to manage your writing relationship with them. 

So much to learn and adapt to in the 'instant' information age.  

Too introspective?   All in my imagination?  "Really.  A blog about communication on Facebook and MySpace?"  Why not?  It beats self-destruction.  I think this was just my way of telling myself that it is time for change...

What more can I say but: LOL

REFLECTIONS

"That's life all around, isn't it?  A series of random, though sometimes VERY predictable, events, situations and people you cannot control, sometimes leading you to where you desire to go and towards what you want to experience and, sometimes...most DEFINITELY NOT!"  This thought flashed into my mind today as I was remembering the film, The English Patient.  For those of you unfamiliar with the film, and from the few details I remember myself, the story line hinges, largely, on a pilot who has been found after his plane crashed in the Sahara (for a synopsis of this movie go to:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116209/plotsummary ) 

Most of the story is told in flashback sequences of this pilot before his fateful crash.  In fact, from what I recall the protagonist was actually a map maker and explorer.  During his charting and exploration of the Sahara, at the time of World War II, he is led into what seems to be a labyrinth of love, betrayal, politics and, ultimately death.  In essence, the film is about the choices, events and situations of his life and the experiences he has with the people in and surrounding his live and the events and situations which involve these people.  Are you still with me?

In other words, it beats me why this film suddenly popped into my mind today.  I am not currently a movie 'buff'.  However, I think it was one of those somewhat intuitive moments that I sometimes experience alerting me to remember certain essential truths about life, in general.  As much as we would all like to 'know'...we never KNOW.  Sure, we may all start off on a certain fixed path with a fairly certain fixed plan and with many people around us who have certain VERY FIXED views about us, views which some of these people try, even forcefully, to make each of us adhere to VERY stenuously and THEN, life takes a turn.  Fate throws a curve ball.  Something changes.  WE change.  And although some of us might not like to admit as much or accept these possibilities, often these very statements ring true!

For my part, once many of these 'truths' about life began to reveal themselves to me in my own life, I learned to let go, live and let live.  Sure, there are some situations in which I speak out in an attempt to correct what is causing me distress, but in doing so I am fully aware that I may or may not be heard or, further more, respected for my point of view.  I am still seeking people who think this way in my own life.  Maybe this blog will inspire them to come forward. LOL Some things can seemingly be 'under control' for a time...but, largely, this is just an illusion.  

But why despair?  Why treat this as a burden?  Why get annoyed?  Sad?  Angry?  Why lament in the ever pervasive, "Why me?"  Why try endlessly to get someone else to carry this 'load' of disappointment that YOU feel because YOUR vision, of life, of them, of how you thought you understood the situation, was not fulfilled when YOU wanted it to be...or not at all?  There are endless possibilities and each of us has the choice of which possibility or path to follow and, consequently, which detour, backtrack or even roadblock to respect on our journey.  And...such is life.

I must also give credit to the Amazing Race, this week, for opening my mind enough to be receptive to these refelctions.  LIFE, oh life, oh liiiiiiiife...

Nicole

    

Sunday, January 13th, 2008

Well Hello,

Hello to each and all and welcome to my blogspace. No, I am not being ironic. I sincerely welcome everyone who is interested in my thoughts and observations, although I reversed the order of these words in the title of my blog. I am a songwriter, by trade, and when I feel the need to express myself, I often turn to the written word to do so. I am also a professional performer in the entertainment industry and I have been for 18 years, which means that I get paid to entertain and this is how I actually make my living and have done for this extended amount of time--a true blessing.

Well, on one hand. On the other hand, I will admit, and many in the entertainment industry may agree, it is a very selfish profession. In the creative arts, in general, it is quite against the grain of 'normal' society to spend so much time making fanciful and completely impractical creations with so much of ones time. Many people in so-called 'normal' society call this occupation a hobby. I beg to differ, as my 'hobby' has helped me to make a living for almost half of my professional life.

So here I am at my computer, this morning, putting words to paper and my main objective is to share my thoughts and observations about online socializing. What? Well, I felt the need, for me at least. I have many, many online contacts--contacts whom I almost never meet or see. And among these contacts, I do actually do business with some of them. For example, I am currently creating my first self-produced musical artist album. For those familiar with the music industry, you may know that people can actually create and collaborate full projects without ever meeting their collaborative partners, face to face. OH THE JOYS OF FTP FILE TRANFER! :-))

So, here I am, again...socializing and networking online in order to create, promote and ultimately distibute my project/product commercially. Oh, there go my friends, some of them thinking that I am only in touch with some of them just to get them to buy something in the end. There go my colleagues wondering why I am so reserved (timid?) at work only to reveal myself to be so outspoken online. There go the naysayers thinking that I am trying to make my Facebook profile more like my MySpace profile, just because I have posted a link to this blog. When did everyone become so critical? Is this not a free world?

For many, no. Although they may not be living in war-torn countries like Afghanistan or constantly living under the threat of everyday terrorism in the form of suicide or roadside bombs confronting them as soon as they leave their home...well, I am not trying to go too far here in being political...many people just have their own special interpretation of the state of being free. They have to compare. They HAVE to know what someone else is doing. They HAVE to KNOW as much as they can know about a person before extending the most simple, "Hello. How are you?", as if doing this is, somehow, considered to be 'uncool'...really, WHAT HAPPENED? Yet, they feel so 'free' that they will disrespect the boundaries of another and EXPECT total acceptance of THEIR idea of freedom while at the same time lacking tolerance and being very reluctant to offer the same 'freedom' on another level to others.

And then, as has happened on two of my online web profile pages, when I respond to my impression of this sad state in the human social arena (well, I know the virtual world is meant to be a world apart, but I just cannot get away from the idea that I KNOW I am not strictly virtual, myself. I know that I am the one sitting behind a computer generating communication and sending it off into cyberspace, whether people 'know' me THAT WAY or not and that I have to only be accountable to me. In the same way that I write my song lyrics, I know that what I express comes from my own thoughts and observations although, sometimes, these expressions may or may not be associated or 'in sync', or even out of 'sync' with the thoughts and observations of others.) My point is, why do I have so many contacts sending messages, thought of as SPAM or phishing scams, sent to my inboxes, posted on my websites--on one group posted on Facebook, it was said that this happens when people think that you are unpopular. LOL All I can say is that there are two sides to every story. 

Often I am just inclined to believe that the people who do this instead of sending sincere and honest messages are just inept, insincere, attention seekers or simply do not have much to say and, rather than reel in their initial impulses, decide to send useless information to at least show that they have tried to communicate. What a shame that these very same people cannot just be honest with themselves and admit to their true motivations behind their actions.

That said, the proverbial double-edged sword is obvious. Those who do this often believe themselves to be beyond reproach and take offense when I tell them that I am NOT having it. And those whom I have not even 'targeted' get the wrong end of the stick and believe that I am criticizing them. Such is life when much of our time is spent apart and not together.

Well, this is all I had to share, today. I am generally a reserved person who spends much time alone working on my projects to bring them to fruition. I am seeking, mainly, to just have online communication to fulfill a transitory need for dialog, now and again, since my work takes up so much of my time. Some people, despite those who may feel 'lampooned' by my observations, DO have a lot of interesting things to share and talk about and do so, very interestingly, through the written word online. These people are not necessarily jounalists, professional authors or public speakers...just human beings who have something interesting and compelling to express. I hope that the majority of my online contacts fall into this category.

Peace (and, no, that sign off does not make me a 'flower child' ;-),
Nicole

For a sample of my work and archives, visit:

http://www.nicolegraham.com/